Spam Haikus

Blue can of steel
what promise do you hold?
salt flesh so ripe

Can of metal, slick
soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aaah, my poultice.

silent, former pig
one communal awareness
myriad pink bricks

you wait to feed me
stoic vigil on the shelf
ah my vibrant pink

jelly for mortar
seven hundred tins and more
i build a Spam house

my friend pork shoulder
I return to you. this time
i've brought mayonnaise

above all others
porcine treat without equal
there is but one Spam

clad in metal, proud
no mere salt-curing for you
you are not bacon

and who dares mock Spam?
you? you? you are not worthy
of one rich pink fleck

Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

Oh Argentina!
Your little tin of meat soars
Above the pampas

The color of Spam
is natural as the sky:
A block of sunrise

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

I am searching for the authors of the haikus above

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

Slicing your sweet self
Salivating in suspense
Sizzle, sizzle...Spam

Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain

The haikus above are by Christopher James Hume

Writing SPAM haiku,
The adage "Write what you know"
Scares me very much.

My husband mocks me
He just does not understand
The allure of SPAM.

The haikus above are by Mary Holt

Our meat substitute,
A blend of various things
May we see the truth.

I eat and I eat
Spreading thick and spreading much
My sandwich enjoyed.

The haikus above are by Sean F Kell

Gelantaneous cube
My hand bled for your freedom
Tears stain empty tin

The haiku above is by Dave Przybyla

Like pink luscious meat
It manipulates our tongues.
Cook, smell, taste, eat, cry.

The haiku above is by Jeff Sheen

Made of flesh you say
What sort is not at all clear
Alive once? Really?

Porcine ghosts cry out
Is this our souls' savage fate?
What violation

The haikus above are by Dave Cinabro

little swine rejects
spackled against my palate
truly a collage

to be more spam like
o greatest mystery meat
resurrected feet

pork shoulder and ham
in a smart colorful can
i do not believe

The haikus above are by Clifford Smith

Frigid pink entrails
Perched on the kitchen counter
Lemming of the can

The haiku above is by Mike Chupa

fat and fleshy spam
pink with gristle and small bones
my throat feels your joy

Sharp metal blue can
open wide and feed me spam
rip my mouth to shreads

spam ham and spam turkey
both as tasty as each other
both fatty grease meat

spam man delivers
my daily dose of twenty cans
despondent no more

spam not ham not beef
not chicken not lamb not turkey
not meat and not nice

The haikus above are by James R. Smith

A friend of mine was to be married. His housemate offered to cater the affair. Now both of these fine gentlemen were from England, and had lived through the end of the second world war as children subsisting on imported Canadian eggs (worthless unless you boiled them--then they were worthy enough to be buried, uneaten, on English soil) and Spam. God help them. The eggs were not too traumatic a memory, but the Spam stuck in the gears of their typically British wit. Garreth (for that was the caterer's name) swore he would be able to make every dish, including the wedding cake, using spam. And he did.

Upon the happy nuptial day, Tony (the happily bewedded) stared in disbelief at the groaning board presented by Garreth. Everything looked so normal! Ah, but upon careful tasting of certain elements (I believe the cake only had 1/8 teaspoon of Spam in it, the icing none), Tony had to admit he could taste the faintest hints of Spam in each dish. Garreth had done it. And to my knowledge, everyone tucked in, blissfully unaware, and survived, one and all.

Now, I missed the wedding. Being as it took place two years before I met them, that's understandable. However, I'm a vegetarian, and as such they always try to make sure they don't inadvertently poison me with one of their food-based wagers. Hence the following Haiku:

Ev'ry diner fears
Vegetarian deceit
Is there pink tofu?

The above haiku and story are by Lynette Parrs-Jaque

Pig slurry in a tin can-
Lunch for a loser!

The above haiku is by Tony Giles

Great is my hunger
Hawaiian BBQ MMMMM
SPAM and egg sandwich

Open the cupboard
Crackers, SPAM, and frying pan
Cracker-batter SPAM

Pig, Salt, Water, Sugar, and
Sodium Nitrite

Long for SPAM Burger
Made by Burger King of old
They make them no more

I miss the SPAM Burger
Why did they stop making them?
I shall call corporate

People put down SPAM
I don't care what people say
I friggin' love it

The above haiku are by Lord Bifrons

Spam flag I do make
practicality dampened
by dripping jelly

Crab wrapped in shell
Pink Slab encased in steel can
A difference?

Mysterious meat
Nourishing mind and body
Poetry Genre

I eat Spam for lunch
Breakfast, dinner, brunch, and snack
The can also licked

Food knight champion
Also armor preservative
Breakfast defender

The above haiku are by Jared Jordan Rawlings

Pink Jellied Meat
Quivers on my plate
Where's the mustard?

The above haiku is by Peter Ilott

Oh mystery meat
Why must you try to harm us
With your sharp blue shell

Choice of great nations
Wars have been fought for much less
Spam - Lord of the Foods

The two haiku above are by Gary Campbell

Object of hatred
Synonymous with bad food
There it is, disgust

The haiku above is by Mike Nolley

Potted meat product.
Glistening pink saltiness.
Ingredients, please.

The haiku above is by Jonathan W

Watch out, for here comes
The dreaded meats cause concern
Is it really food?

The haiku above is by Preferably Spaghetti Master

The best meat from can
Slice it, fry it, and serve it
Spam until daybreak

The haiku above is by The Short, Italian Teacher

Once a communist
Now a salty, fleshy feast
Spam the only one

Shall we question it?
I dare say I'm afraid to
Let Spam live its life

The haiku above are by Katy Heverin, with credit to Kate "the milk" Malke for the phrase "fleshy feast."

What a saucy meal
That doth please me so greatly
Oh spam, my savior

The haiku above is by Kate Malke, in honor of the G.O.A.T. Ernie Kumar

Spam, my dearest love
How yummy in a burger
Never seeing sin

The haiku above is by Katherine Mielke, inspired by Abby “Baguette” London’s tasteless lettuce eyebrows

The iconic spam
that thirst man loves to consume
the best fleshy feast

The haiku above is by Abby London

We begin to feast
Pink undefined meat, a treat
Spam is good, gamers

The haiku above is by The Ghost of Fuzzy Fen

Fried to perfection
My stomach, filled, contented
I'm salted and cured

The haiku above is by X X

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