Spam Haikus
Blue can of steel
what promise do you hold?
salt flesh so ripe
Can of metal, slick
soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt
Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aaah, my poultice.
silent, former pig
one communal awareness
myriad pink bricks
you wait to feed me
stoic vigil on the shelf
ah my vibrant pink
jelly for mortar
seven hundred tins and more
i build a Spam house
my friend pork shoulder
I return to you. this time
i've brought mayonnaise
above all others
porcine treat without equal
there is but one Spam
clad in metal, proud
no mere salt-curing for you
you are not bacon
and who dares mock Spam?
you? you? you are not worthy
of one rich pink fleck
Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate
Oh Argentina!
Your little tin of meat soars
Above the pampas
The color of Spam
is natural as the sky:
A block of sunrise
Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan
I am searching for the authors of the haikus above
Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?
In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door
Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin
Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty
Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone
Slicing your sweet self
Salivating in suspense
Sizzle, sizzle...Spam
Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian
The haikus above are by Christopher James Hume
Writing SPAM haiku,
The adage "Write what you know"
Scares me very much.
My husband mocks me
He just does not understand
The allure of SPAM.
The haikus above are by Mary Holt
Our meat substitute,
A blend of various things
May we see the truth.
I eat and I eat
Spreading thick and spreading much
My sandwich enjoyed.
The haikus above are by Sean F Kell
Gelantaneous cube
My hand bled for your freedom
Tears stain empty tin
Like pink luscious meat
It manipulates our tongues.
Cook, smell, taste, eat, cry.
The haiku above is by Jeff Sheen
Made of flesh you say
What sort is not at all clear
Alive once? Really?
Porcine ghosts cry out
Is this our souls' savage fate?
What violation
little swine rejects
spackled against my palate
truly a collage
to be more spam like
o greatest mystery meat
resurrected feet
pork shoulder and ham
in a smart colorful can
i do not believe
Frigid pink entrails
Perched on the kitchen counter
Lemming of the can
The haiku above is by Mike Chupa
fat and fleshy spam
pink with gristle and small bones
my throat feels your joy
Sharp metal blue can
open wide and feed me spam
rip my mouth to shreads
spam ham and spam turkey
both as tasty as each other
both fatty grease meat
spam man delivers
my daily dose of twenty cans
despondent no more
spam not ham not beef
not chicken not lamb not turkey
not meat and not nice
A friend of mine was to be married. His housemate offered to cater the
affair. Now both of these fine gentlemen were from England, and had lived
through the end of the second world war as children subsisting on imported Canadian
eggs (worthless unless you boiled them--then they were worthy enough to be
buried, uneaten, on English soil) and Spam. God help them. The eggs were not
too traumatic a memory, but the Spam stuck in the gears of their typically
British wit. Garreth (for that was the caterer's name) swore he would be able
to make every dish, including the wedding cake, using spam. And he did.
Upon the happy nuptial day, Tony (the happily bewedded) stared in disbelief
at the groaning board presented by Garreth. Everything looked so normal!
Ah, but upon careful tasting of certain elements (I believe the cake only had
1/8 teaspoon of Spam in it, the icing none), Tony had to admit he could taste
the faintest hints of Spam in each dish. Garreth had done it. And to my
knowledge, everyone tucked in, blissfully unaware, and survived, one and all.
Now, I missed the wedding. Being as it took place two years before I met
them, that's understandable. However, I'm a vegetarian, and as such they
always try to make sure they don't inadvertently poison me with one of their
food-based wagers. Hence the following Haiku:
Ev'ry diner fears
Vegetarian deceit
Is there pink tofu?
Coagulated
Pig slurry in a tin can-
Lunch for a loser!
The above haiku is by Tony Giles
Great is my hunger
Hawaiian BBQ MMMMM
SPAM and egg sandwich
Open the cupboard
Crackers, SPAM, and frying pan
Cracker-batter SPAM
Amalgamation
Pig, Salt, Water, Sugar, and
Sodium Nitrite
Long for SPAM Burger
Made by Burger King of old
They make them no more
I miss the SPAM Burger
Why did they stop making them?
I shall call corporate
People put down SPAM
I don't care what people say
I friggin' love it
Spam flag I do make
practicality dampened
by dripping jelly
Crab wrapped in shell
Pink Slab encased in steel can
A difference?
Mysterious meat
Nourishing mind and body
Poetry Genre
I eat Spam for lunch
Breakfast, dinner, brunch, and snack
The can also licked
Food knight champion
Also armor preservative
Breakfast defender
Pink Jellied Meat
Quivers on my plate
Where's the mustard?
Oh mystery meat
Why must you try to harm us
With your sharp blue shell
Choice of great nations
Wars have been fought for much less
Spam - Lord of the Foods
The two haiku above are by Gary Campbell